I’ve been feeling rejection. 

Why do you call me a friend, but it seems like it’s just pretend? I ask if you want to hang, but it seems as if I’m just too lame for your style that I’ll cramp. I’m just trying to be a light, God’s lamp. I put on a smile and fake it. I act like I understand but I really don’t, I’ll admit. This rejection I feel, you don’t seem to get. But deep in my heart is where it is set.

I’m in the desert and it’s the hardest time to find peace. The hardest time to just let things be. My world has been shaken and stirred and the voice of the Lord is not being heard. My pain is numb and the rest of my emotions are non-existent- including the joy that was once persistent. I now understand the reference of marriage to Jesus. It’s like we have been fighting and now we have to rebuild this.

Remodel what wasn’t working before; try new things, open a new door. Spend more time together, become tight again just like leather. It’s like we are that couple that drives to  church and is silent the whole way, but once we get there, we act like everything is okay. I have never felt more intimate with my Beloved.

But maybe I feel the way I do with my earthly relationships because it’s a mere reflection of my relationship with the Heavenly One. The One that calls me Beloved. The One that feels the pain of rejection that I feel here on earth. Because I’m rejecting Him and the promise He gave me. I’m rejecting the life that He so freely wants me to live. I’m rejecting the love that He desires to live.

And what happened to my faith that brought me here? To this point of desperation and drowning in my tears. What shook me so hard to question all that I believe in? What will it take to strengthen my faith again? I guess I recognize that I am in the wrong. HIS word tells me He will never forsake me or leave me alone. So why so I believe the devil’s lies? Why did I let him unfix my eyes?

Father, I ask that you’ll come steal my gaze. Pour out your Spirit and renew me with grace. Your kindness leads me to repentance; I just want to glorify you with every sentence. Bring me new life; it is only you that satisfies. Bring me to my knees; Father here’s my heart, here’s the keys. I’m stepping down from this position of pride, it’s time for me to enjoy the ride.

You’ve softened my heart and broken the chain of all the things I’ve done in vain. You’ve built me up and set me free and who the Son sets free is free indeed. Send me your presence, send me your Spirit; Fill me with joy; Your voice, I long to hear it. Speak to me now, O Father of Love. Here I am, I am Your Beloved.

Have you ever felt rejection? Loneliness even when surrounded by a million people? Like you give so much but you soon run out of things to give? Or you don’t feel like your “friends” return the love that you give to them?

This is something that is actually very popular in our culture today. Many hide it or like we all say “fake it ’til you make it”. Well, if you keep pushing back this pain that you have and try to ignore it, are you really getting better? To the point of “making it”?

Where does this source of rejection come from? This pit of doom that we all seem to fall into at one point in our lives? This mind-consuming disease that never seems to leave? It’s like a trap that we fall into but we are so busy just carrying out our lives and even enjoying them, that the trap sneaks up out of no where on our journey.

This is a concept that I’ve seen more and more in our culture, especially among college students. And you know what’s dangerous about it? That fact that it makes us question what is wrong with ourselves.

What did I do wrong?

What is wrong with me?

Is it my weight? My hair color? Something I said or did? 

But that question is controversial. How can we, God’s creation with HIS image planted in us question that? How can we question our beauty? How can we question our worth? Our self-image?

We all represent God.

His likeness is in us.

His image is what we were created in.

The question shouldn’t be about us and what we did wrong. The question should be why the enemy thinks he can attack us in this way.

Do not ask yourself what is wrong with you. You are loved more than you know! God did not create you and put you on this earth to let the enemy come in and try to steal your worth! Jesus thought you were worthy enough to die for, so why do we question what God has in store?

You are beautiful. 

You were created in the image of the CREATOR. 

Stand tall and stand srtong. 

You are worthy. 

Don’t listen to the lies that the enemy is throwing at you. Press forward and remember the truth! Jesus has your name written on the palm of HIS hands. Say to yourself: There is nothing wrong with me. Jesus loves me just the way I am and this is all that matters, the world just may not understand.

One thought on “Rejection

  1. britanaya November 19, 2016 / 7:51 pm

    Beautiful Jenny. I love you a lot and I’m so proud of you. Rejection is a hard thing to suffer with and it is something most of us are scared to talk about. Thank you for bringing your struggles to the light and sharing the Gospel. 🙂

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