Hey there. I know it’s been a very long time since I’ve blogged. Honestly, it’s just not something I have been very passionate about lately. But ya know what, I think the Lord might be stirring it up in my heart again. We shall see!
How has life been for you through COVID-19? At times I feel like we are riding a roller coaster, or as my dearest Gramma says, a “rolly coaster.” At least this is how I have felt. Just when I think I am making progress, everything comes crashing right back down again.
It’s funny because somewhere built into our human ways of thinking we have adopted this belief that progress MUST be linear. Maybe the whole finding a slope thing in algebra did this to us. Remember? y=mx + b? Between that and mitochondria being the powerhouse of the cell I’d say high school taught me the essentials for life.
Something that has been extremely evident for me lately is that progress is not linear. And progress does not always look the way we expect it to. I’m not sure if I’ve ever blogged about this, but since I returned from India I have had intense stomach pains. There have been times that it has been so so so bad that I wouldn’t be able to move.
I remember one Saturday morning Bible Study last September we were sitting in the park diving into the Proverb of the day and I could not even move on the bench I was sitting on. And I did not finish my coffee (you know something is wrong when that happens!). I was so sad because I had plans to go for a hike and couldn’t because of the pain.
In January I finally decided to get this checked out because my family has a pretty intense history of stomach problems. So, I went to the same GI doctor that sees my mom and my dad. He did not seem too concerned and told me it was IBS related.
Relieved that we were heading in some direction I started taking the as needed meds he prescribed and hoped for healing. Nothing happened. If anything, the pain got much worse. I went back and he told me to do a few other things. So I did them. Nothing changed.
Now at this point, it was mid-July. I was working out, eating clean, doing all the things I have done before to lose a few pounds. But the scale kept going up. I was fatigued and had no motivation to do anything. Finally, one of my friends suggested I see her chiropractor. I was like hmm sounds weird but sure. At this point I was willing to try anything.
I made an appointment and was nervous as all get out when I went to that first appointment. I felt absurd telling a “back” doctor that I was having stomach issues. But lo and behold she ran a few allergy tests, performed an adjustment, and poked a few organs and we had answers!
Essentially I had an aluminum sensitivity (most likely from vaccines from going to India) which lowered my immune system causing me to be susceptible to a bacterial infection in my small intestine called Helicobacter Pylori and was severely allergic to dairy. Now, this is something the GI doctor would have found way back in January if he would have scoped me.
So, she gave me some supplements and rescheduled for two weeks out for a follow up. The supplements worked amazing for the first week. Then, about 10 days in, my symptoms came back. I spent the week freaking out because I thought there was no hope. I was so sick of trying and not seeing results. I had “regressed,” was my main thought.
When I went in for my follow up, I told her what I was experiencing and she told me she was not surprised because essentially we were creating a “war zone” (yes these were her words, no COD reference but I did get a kick out of it) in my gut and there may be more symptoms as I continued on this healing journey.
All of this is to say my healing was not linear. My progress is not linear. Just because every time I can put a nice chunk of change away to buy a house and have to spend it on care repairs does not mean I’m not making progress. Progress has to be measured in different way.
I have had to work rigorously to change my perspective regarding this concept, but man I’m sure glad I did. Lately, I have been measuring progress based on the fruit the action, behavior, event, etc. yields. And sometimes it’s not always what we expect.
I just paid $700 to get my car fixed. 2 years ago I would have been upset and over the top frustrated with trying to come up with the money, feeling financially secure to pay for it, and overall just bitter about buying a car with a salvage title.
But ya know what, yes I was frustrated that I spent my day off at the dealership getting it fixed, but I was more grateful for the fact that I already had the day off to do it. I was thanking God that for once in my life I could pay this upfront and have extra in my account for other daily living expenses.
It was annoying that I had to take the money out of my savings. But if the Lord wants me to buy a house, He will provided the finances to do so in His perfect timing. For those of you that don’t know, having a broken down car is the number one way Satan tries to attack me. Ever since I started driving I have never had luck with cars.
The Lord used that to bring me closer to relying on God for things. I feel more tough and can handle these stressful times. I have built this zero tolerance with Satan because he is not going to rain on my parade any longer. And even when he tries, I will dance in it singing praises to the Lord.
And this is how I know I have made progress. Because my perspective has changed.
My friend, are you struggling with fear of lack of progress? Take a moment and submit these fears to the Lord. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you a new set of eyes and new perspective. Remember, progress isn’t linear.